


Veela!Fic

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [31]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Supernatural
Genre: Angel Threesomes, Bunny Tails, Cas is a Perv, Crack, Creature Inheritance, Drabble, Humor, Incest Shaming, Kid Fic, M/M, Ripping off West Side Story, Soul Bond, Threesome - M/M/M, Veela Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:56:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam comes into his veela inheritance.  Can he control his allure before it becomes too much for Dean to handle? Will he find his mate in time? Are there any negative consequences if he doesn't? Probably not. Read on to see...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Dean:**  Wow! Sammy! Did you do something new with your hair? It looks fucking delicious.

 **Sam:**  No I didn’t. Are you okay Dean?

 **Dean:**  *eyes glazing over* Did I ever tell you I can kill things with my brain?

 **Sam:**  Um. No. And now is not the time to get all fanboy about Summer Glau. We have to go be FBI, remember?

 **Dean:**  Of course. Did I ever tell you that I’m actually the director of the FBI? ‘Course, it’s all pretty hush hush.

 **Sam:**  It’s too late to be changing our cover story, Dean. Let’s go.

*a while later*

 **Sam:**  Hello, Mrs. Henderson. Do you think we could talk to you about your son? It will only take a moment.

 **Mrs. Henderson:**  I’m sure it will take longer than that. Did you know that I’m very good with my mouth?

 **Dean:**  *growls*

 **Sam:**  Quite. Um. You’ve been happily married for 30 years, is that right?

 **Mrs. Henderson:**  Eh. He was just Mr. Right Now. I’m still looking for Mr. Right. Did you know that I have no gag reflex?

 **Dean:**  Get off him, harpy!!! He’s mine!!!

 **Sam:**  Dean?

 **Dean:**  What? It’s not like she’s the only one here with no gag reflex.

 **Sam:**  I did not need to know that. And since when do you like guys?

 **Dean:**  *leers* Since they are as pretty as you.

 **Mrs. Henderson:**  Did you know that I’m double jointed? In all the right places?

 **Sam:**  What does that even mean?

*several hours of research later*

 **Dean:**  Would you like me to take my pants off?

 **Sam:**  Gah! No, Dean. I would like you to go out to a bar and pick up a bimbo like you usually do. I’m fairly certain that you’re straight. And even if you aren’t, I’m your brother, remember?

 **Dean:**  That just means that I know a lot about you. For instance, you like to wear…

 **Sam:**  You promised never to mention that!

 **Dean:**  It’s ok, Sammy. I would totally wear the wimple for you.

*Dean climbs onto Sam’s lap*

 **Sam:**  Who did I piss off to deserve this?  Is this somebody’s idea of a…oh. A joke. GAAAAABRIIIIIEEEEEEL!

 **Gabriel:**  Heya, Great Wall of Sammy. Oooo. Your hair is shiny today!  You know how I like candy?  That’s not the only thing I could suck on all day…

 **Sam:**  Not you too.

 **Gabriel:**  Don’t worry, Great Pyramid of Sammy, I can resist your charms. They are stronger than I thought they would be…

 **Sam:**  So you did do this to me?

 **Gabriel:**  Nah. I just saw it coming.

 **Sam:**  So you can undo it?

 **Gabriel:**  Not so much. Now that you have come into your creature inheritance you will always have these powers. I can teach you to control them, though. Not that that will work before you have attracted your soul mate, of course.

 **Sam:**  Okay, I can’t deal with soul mates right now. Let’s go back to where you said I was a creature?

 **Gabriel:**  Oh. Yes. I figured you knew, Hanging Gardens of Sammy. You’re a veela.


	2. Chapter 2

**Castiel:**  *appearing* Hello. Gabriel, I need to talk to you about pestilence. I think I have a plan. Dean, I brought the pie you needed. Sam, I look very good in women’s underwear.

 **Sam:**  GAH!

 **Dean:**  At least that one is true. But I probably look better.

 **Sam:**  *whimpers*

 **Gabriel:**  I’m gonna hold you to that, Dean.

 **Sam:**  Why do you guys know…

 **Castiel:**  We have been having sexual intercourse for the last month.

 **Sam:**  You and Dean?

 **Castiel:**  And Gabriel. Yes.

 **Gabriel:**  …which we had decided not to tell him until…

 **Dean:**  No. No. It’s okay. This gives me cred. See Sammy? I’ve been taking it up the ass from two angels, so…

 **Gabriel:**  When has Cassy ever topped?

 **Dean:**   I hear he does in other people’s fic. But fine. One angel up the ass. Regardless, I have been having a lot of butt-sex. So that qualifies me as gay. Can I take my pants off now?

 **Sam:**  Um. No. What about Cas and Gabe? And, you know, INCEST!

 **Dean:**  Eh. Don’t worry about them. They weren’t very good in bed, to tell the truth. I bet you are much better.

 **Gabriel:**  This just became less funny.

*Cas whimpers*

 **Gabriel:**  Sam, Cas and I are going to take your brother on a quick trip. Far away from you. To have lots of sex. See ya in a bit.

*he snaps them away*

 **Sam:**  Fine. Go have your angel threesome.  I don’t want an angel threesome anyway.

…

 **Sam:**  Well, at least not with Cas. That seems really awkward.

…

 **Sam:**  I suppose I should research this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All veela facts can be found by searching the internet. Sometimes unfortunately.

*a while later*

 **Sam:**  Oh god. I really hope the rabbit tail thing is a joke. And I did not need to know that about Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort. So much for sleeping without nightmares tonight. I think I’d prefer Lucifer…

*some time later, as Sam lay sleeping*

 **Lucifer:**  oooOOOoooOOOooo!

 **Sam:**  That the best you can do?

*they see each other*

 **Lucifer:**  Your hair. It is a halo around your perfect face. You are as Aphrodite in her sphere.

 **Sam:**  Your stubble! It is as the wheat, gilded by the summer sun!

 **Lucifer:**  Your shirt!  It is paisley, and yet strangely does not make me want to puke.

 **Sam:**  Your melting bits of flesh! I want to take you in my arms and make them whole!

 **Lucifer:**  Let us embrace!

*they embrace*

 **Gabriel:**  Get a room!!!

 **Sam:**  Dude. We are literally in my head right now.

 **Gabriel:**  Yeah, but the sheets don’t deserve what you’re doing to them. And Dean is very worried about the noises you’re making. He sent me in here to make sure Lucy wasn’t…killing you. Also, to ask if you wanted a rim-job.

 **Lucifer:**  I would never kill such a paragon of male vitality! His hair! It is as a halo around…

 **Gabriel:**  Yeah, yeah. And how’s the killing-everyone-he-ever-knew-and-loved thing going?

 **Lucifer:**  Are you really against this apocalypse, oh light of my life, home of my heart, voice of my…

 **Gabriel:**  FOR THE LOVE OF DAD!

 **Sam:**  You would give up the apocalypse for me?

 **Lucifer:**  Of course!

 **Sam:**  Let us embrace!

*they embrace*

 **Gabriel:**  Hey! Hey! Guys! I mean it! Sam, give him an address so he can whisk you off to debauch you in person. Then I can debauch your brother in peace.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized lines are stolen from West Side Story. Which, if you haven't, you should go watch. RIGHT NOW.

*in the real world, a Valentines-themed motel room*

**Lucifer:**   Oh light of my life, home of my heart, voice of my…

**Dean:**  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

**Gabriel:**  Hey! Dad’s name in vain!

**Dean:**  It was necessary. What is Lucifer doing in our motel?

*Sam and Lucifer approach each other, a la Maria and Tony*

**Lucifer:**   _I knew something never before was going to happen - had to happen - but this is so much more._

**Sam:**   _My hands are cold._  *they take hands*  _Yours too._

**Lucifer:**  Yeah. I do that.  _You’re so beautiful._

**Sam:**   _Beautiful._

**Lucifer:** _It’s so much to believe. You’re not making a joke?_

**Sam:**   _I have not yet learned how to joke that way. I think now I never will._

*they kiss*

*Sam sprouts bunny ears and a tail. He also turns an alarming shade of neon pink.*

**Sam:**  God damn it!

**Dean:**  Hey! Dad’s name in vain!

**Castiel:**  I’m confused. What does this have to do with John?

**Dean:**  So, out of curiosity, why aren’t either of you alarmed by the fact that SAM IS FEELING UP THE DEVIL!

**Gabriel:**  He is actually a very generous lover, you know. We used to have the best orgies…

**Castiel:**  Lucifer is Sam’s veela soulmate. They are drawn to each other by overwhelming lust. They will have to sate themselves many times over the next two weeks.

**Dean:**  Oh god. I did not need to know that.

**Sam:**  Could we focus on me right now? Why do I suddenly look like the fucking Easter Bunny?

**Lucifer:**  I find it strangely endearing.

**Castiel:**  You would probably find him endearing dressed as a chupacabra.

**Dean:**  Do those exist?

**Gabriel:**  Nah. But I made one once. It was pretty cool. There was this guy who…

**Sam:**  FOCUS!

**Gabriel:**  Veela look like that when they are courting a mate…

**Castiel:**  Why do you have your fingers cro…

**Gabriel:**  Oh dear! Is that the time? I should really be going soon.

**Dean:**  Um. Sammy. Did you want to give Lucy a hand job in front of…

**Sam:**  NO!  I didn’t mean to!  I just can’t help caressing his burgeoning…

**Gabriel:**  *over a very graphic description from Sam, and some whimpering from the devil* Veela have no impulse control, and very little verbal filter, when mating. That’s really true.

**Dean:**  Please, never, ever use the word ‘mating’ again. And also, Sammy, TONGUES ARE NOT MEANT TO DO THAT!

**Castiel:**  Perhaps you could - what’s the phrase - get a room?

**Dean:**  Good plan. Oh! But what about the apocalypse?

**Lucifer:**  I’ll call Mike tomorrow and work something out. Don’t worry. He can be a little bitch sometimes, but he calms right down after a blow job.


	5. Chapter 5

*the next day*

**Sam:**  Thank you so much for doing this, Lucy-Baby.

**Lucifer:**  No problem, Honey-Cheeks.

**Sam:**  You’re so cute!

**Lucifer:**  You’re cuter!

**Sam:**  No you are!

**Lucifer:**  No you are!

**Dean:**  I think I’m going to be sick.

**Castiel:**  At least the apocalypse is about to end. This moment will be sung for eternity in the halls of Heaven.

**Gabriel:**  And Samantha here will go down in history as the little bunny who could.

**Dean:**  That does make it worth it. How long does it last?

**Gabriel:**  I set it to last a month. They will probably figure it out before then and make me take it off. But it was so worth it.

**Dean:**  I think I love you.

*Castiel looks sad. Then gives Lucifer a purple pimp-suit*

**Dean:**  I love you too, Cas. Don’t worry.

**Sam:**  *too busy trying to remove the devils pants to notice something as trivial as purple sequins* Can I blow you one more time before we call him?

**Dean:**  NO!! We need to get this done, and you know you won’t be able to stop at one blow job.

**Lucifer:**  Mike! Get down here you little shit!

**Sam:**  Wait! Wait! I could do that thing where I take off my…

**Lucifer:**  No!  He’s on his way.  Dad-damn big brothers, always cockblocking me. I don’t know why dad ever liked him. Stupid, self-absorbed, bad-haired, cross-dressing…

*Michael appears in front of him, dressed in young John.*

**Lucifer:**  …beautiful, beautiful man. Where have you been all my life? Your biceps, they are as the gentle swell of the hills of paradise. I could lick them for hours.

**Sam:**  Your eyes! They are as the ocean, calm and deep. I could fall into them and never return.

**Dean:**  What the fuck?

**Michael:**  Samuel. Your shoulders are broader than those of Goliath, and your heart as pure as the David who slew him. Lucy. Your face is really starting to peel. But your cock looks amazing.

**Sam:**  Oops. Sorry. I’ll put that back for you.

**Dean:**  What. The. Fuck.

**Gabriel:**  Ah. Occasionally, a veela who is especially tall needs two mates to make up for his extreme height. I should have known your brother would fit into that category.

**Sam:**  Wait, I get to have angel threesomes? WOOT!

**Michael:**  Unfortunately, both Lucifer and myself prefer to bottom. Is that going to be a problem?

**Sam:**  Umm. No. No problem.

**Michael:**  Also, I like to wear lacy underwear.

**Lucifer:**  And I really like getting spanked.

**Michael:**  Oooo!  Me too! Me too!

**Sam:**  I am so happy right now.

*they all embrace*

**Dean:**  Hey Sammy, you do know Michael is wearing dad, right? He was quite a looker when he was young.

**Sam:**  WHAT!?!?!


	6. Epilogue

_Nineteen Years Later…_

**Sam:**  John Robert Winchester! Wait for your sisters before you run off!

 **John:**  But dad! Mary is being really slow! And Lucy’s a prat anyway.

 **Sam:**  John! Apologize to your sister!

*meanwhile*

 **Dean:**  …and anyway, I’m over that whole phase. I mean, I love you guys, he’s just a veela, y’know?  Sometimes I can’t help ogling his Quiddich-tones thighs.

 **Gabriel:**  Yeah, yeah.

 **Castiel:**  What is Quiddich?

 **Dean:**  Anyway. Where are Tulip and Gustav?

 **Gabriel:**  Well, I gave them some candy, so they’re probably…

 **Dean:**  How much candy, Gabriel?

 **Gabriel:**  Is that an emergency in Cairo I hear?  See ya! *snaps out*

*meanwhile*

 **Lucy:**  Daddy? John keeps calling me a prat. He says that prats aren’t good for anything. Do you think I’m a prat?

 **Sam:**  Lucy Michaela Wincester. You are named after two of the biggest prats the world has ever had. But they are also good for…a lot of things. That I’ll explain when you’re older.

 **Lucy:**  So it’s okay to be a prat?

 **Sam:**  Of course. I’ll still love you no matter what. Now, are you ready to go burn your first corpse?

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are interested in more frequent updates, I will be updating this series on tumblr daily at this point, and probably only weekly here. So! Follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope. It may take some time for me to get to it, but I promise I will. I mean, I just wrote a veela fic, so anything you send, I will at least try to fill. :)


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